As homeschool parents, our goal is NOT to teach; our goal is for the kids to LEARN. I could have taught my kids “at grade level” and they wouldn’t have learned a thing. Instead, I gave them curriculum at their ability level, and then they had to learn what they didn’t already know. I believe that older teens MUST learn how to teach themselves. If our children go to college, they will be expected to learn all the textbook material on their own. College lectures are most often supplemental to the textbook – not the same content. If our children don’t go to college, they will still have to teach themselves computer skills, online banking, or how to buy a car.
My kids taught themselves advanced math (pre-calculus) and calculus. They taught themselves physics. I know they learned the material because I gave them the tests. I didn’t know what the calculus symbols meant, but I knew my kids’ answers matched the answers on the key! I could have taught them biology and chemistry (because I’m an RN and I know that stuff) but they taught themselves instead. It worked out better for us when they taught themselves, and I just checked up on them from time to time. Alex taught himself economics, doing graduate level work in economic thought (we were later told by his Colege professor) while he was still in high school. He even taught himself psychology and business law, and earned fabulous grades on the college level CLEP exams in these subjects.
Here’s my point: a child will teach themselves subjects they are interested in. It works out great for a kid who is working on an intensely academic, college prep curriculum as well as a kid who is in a relaxed homeschool environment. Learning is more important than teaching. I have seen SO many notes addressed to me about “getting it all done” that I just want to put in a plug for prayer and quiet time. I found that when I was consistent in adding them to my day that I could “get it all done.” When I wasn’t consistent, I got frustrated; either I was expecting too much, or was frustrated too easily. When I spent time with God, things went more smoothly in our homeschool. Do you think learning is more important than teaching? Please share in the comments!
Please note: This post was originally published in November, 2007 and has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
WOW! that gave me a breath of fresh air…I haven’t been teaching math for a long time and was letting them “learn” it on their own….They have always tested well. Now as two of my children are in High School the pressure is ON! And this little blog helped me to breath easy…
Dear Michelle,
This post was written almost a year ago, and I’m SO glad that it helped you today! My husband and I were talking about this topic just this weekend, at the convention. One “expert” was saying that you should never show your children the answer key. Huh??? That’s how my kids learned physics, Latin, calculus – and went on to engineering school! We simply could NOT have done it without that strategy!
Do what works, Michelle! Do what works!
Blessings,
Lee
Thank you for that message. I needed that today. Sometimes I do get frustrated, lost, and intimidated by all the things on the list for a homeschooling mom of kids of many ages. I just need to step back and remember to be consistent with my prayer and personal preparation time, and all things will fall into place. I need to nurture my faith! Thanks for reminding me of that.
I appreciate your messages of wisdom and encouragement.
Dear Mary,
Big hugs to you! I’m glad it helped!
Blessings,
Lee
Lee,
I agree that students need to be able to digest the material from the textbooks to some extent on their own, but college profs actually explain a lot of what is in the textbook. The best methodology for college is: read ahead, then you are better prepared to understand the lecture, then review your notes and read ahead for the next lecture.
I think the sciences are particularly important in this way. Having a “teaching” format for them means that the students get a better chance to discuss and get a deeper understanding of the material. When I don’t “teach” it to them myself, I don’t have the context to have that kind of intelligent discussion that they need.
Hi Helen,
Great points! Reading ahead is a real key for success in college.
In many university courses, the professor will lecture on some concepts but other concepts are learned from reading the textbook. At the college level, professors rarely repeat anything in the book. It’s important for students to learn from watching someone speak (in a lecture) and learn from books (like a textbook.) At large colleges, freshman classes will have hundreds of students will little possibility of discussion. I think it’s good to be prepared either way. But like everything, take what will work for your family.
Blessings,
Lee
Lee-
Your advice here is priceless for moms considering homeschooling high school students. Parents seem to think that they need to be brilliant at every subject that their kids need to learn.
I have always thought that we just need to be good at keeping them motivated and pray a lot!
Thanks for the great advice, as always!
Dear Lee
I’m just new to your wedsite. As an Australian mum homeschooling 2 highschoolers (sitting down for breakfast while you’re probably all asleep over there!), I can feel a little isolated sometimes. Geographically, people are further apart here.
But thanks for reminding me that the
issues are the same anywhere. When I stick to facilitating a good work/study environment for my 2 teens, they are much more self disciplined in their approah to study. Im a much nicer person to be around too!
Blessings from Aussie Land
This idea of NOT teaching your homeschool child brought my 8th grader’s interest back into math. We were having a continual struggle with trying to teach him math, and he hated it. Finally, I told him about your idea – he was to teach himself. We bought a math book he picked out, and we help when needed. But now he’s learning algebra easily with no struggles and no fights with mom. It feels like a ground breaking concept to me.
I also realized that most of what my husband and I currently do for our careers hadn’t been around when we were in school — such as the entire web, most of the programming languages, shopping carts, online business, etc. So we learned it on our own. Our kids are going to have to be able to teach themselves just to stay up with the current technologies.
Hello Lee,
I’m so glad I read your post today! I have stated the very same things, numerous times, to my family. For a few years now, my teens have been teaching themselves. As you said, I have no clue what those math symbols are, but I can see if the answers match those of my students. I allow my students access to the teacher’s manual as well – it’s been the best way for them to learn.
Also, I feel like my whole day is “out’a whack” when I don’t get my quiet prayer and devotional reading in for the morning. I believe my time with the Lord each morning is what keeps me going, keeps the attitude straight, and just gives me strength.
Your article is extra confirmation that I’m doing O.K. as a home school Mom. Sometimes it’s nice to hear that it’s O.K. not to force ‘school at home’ – and just have fun with it and let the kids pursue their own interests – learning all the while.
Thanks again for your encouragement.
Sincerely.
I’ve been reading the blogs about ‘not’ teaching your children. We have the opposite problem. My son is starting the 9th grade and has had problems in Math, teaching himself. After a year or so of bumping heads in the subject, we had him do Math online last year so he could be more in control. It went okay, but he wasn’t doing the equations on paper (much)like I told him he should (therefore he wasn’t learning the formulas/patterns). He mostly could do them in his head. So when the problems got a bit harder, he didn’t do so well and got stumped. I think turning them loose to teach themselves is a process. I thought he was ready.. but he wasn’t as ready to go solo as I’d thought. Now, we’re starting again with me helping explain the lesson, making sure he writes the problems out and understands the process. Letting him explain the lessons to me and then showing me how they are done will be my goal for this coming year. I don’t want to ‘teach’ him Math this year, I long for him to be more independent, but what option do I have? If he isn’t naturally self motivated in Math, he has to be taught. I know he has self discipline because he’s an accomplished violinist. He says Math just isn’t his thing. Any suggestions?
Hi Stacy,
Try having your son choose his own curriculum. Sometimes the one mom chooses just isn’t the right fit. Here is a blog post on some ideas for math:
http://www.homehighschoolhelp.com/blog/homeschool-high-school-math-choosing-curriculum/1097/
Blessings,
Lee
I am glad you suggested that, because HE chose to go with Jacob’s Elem. Algebra this year, from several options. The conversational style and the interesting way the lessons are introduced will (I am hoping) hold his attention better than just dry instructions and a page of problems. I want him to see Math as applicable to his life and think this is just what the ‘doctor ordered’!
Amen! Thank you for this. My sons taught themselves Physical Science, Physics and Biology this past year and did great. What a blessing. Once in a while that feeling creeps in that I should be teaching this material. It’s nice to hear the confirmation. You are right they must learn to learn. Thank God they are.
Lee,
I totally agree with everything you have said about children teaching themselves at the high school level. Something that hasn’t been brought out yet (but you have addressed it in other blogs)is the fact that you need to choose a curriculum that is “self-teaching.” A lot of popular home school curriculum are actually created for a classroom setting. I used one for a while for all my subjects and just about totally burned out because of the load on me, and the fact that my child and I butted heads constantly. Luckily, it was in the junior high years and not in high school. When I found that there was curriculum such as Apologia Science that speaks directly to the student so that they can teach themselves from the textbook, I was elated! My child learns best by teaching anyway, so why not have her teach herself? She will do much better that way. I think it is wiser to spend your time as a homeschooling mom doing research into what curriculum you should use rather than trying to learn a subject and teach it to your child. I have had a burden lifted from me by doing this, and my child is pretty much a totally independent learner. I just keep her on task and tell her what she can get by with and what she can’t…because that’s what a mom does! Thank you so much for all your wisdom that you share with us about being a homeschooling mom.
Awesome article. This year I have given the learning reigns to my 10th grade daughter. I am a little nervous but it is all good.
I love this article! My son has been teaching himself for years, now. I help when needed. We discuss what he has learned, mainly because he loves to tell me about it! He is 15 years old and currently he is learning Physics online with the Thinkwell program. The lectures are great and my son loves to share them with me, because quite often, they are funny. He is learning Algebra 2 from a textbook of his choice. We are a part of a charter school. The teacher that we work with says that we let him follow his own course and it must be working because he will be graduating a year early. His grade point average was 3.875 last semester.
The problem is… not all kids are interested in algebra or precalculus, chemistry, etc… and get overwhelmed when they are expected to do it themselves–they sit for hours lost or just give up and go on Facebook or iTunes. Yet, they are forced to take it as a graduation requirement in case they go to college. (Fortunately I can afford a tutor). Not all kids are meant to go to college right out of high school or ever. Some may need or want to go into a trade. It’s frustrating for parents who don’t have children who take the initiative to self learn or have “ADD”, or have kids that just have other interests-I wish I had good advice for that kind of situation, because I have the opposite situation. Am I the only one?
Oops, I meant I have the opposite situation that Lee had.
Beth –
You are NOT the only one! My 7th grader is currently “anti-academics”, and firmly set against college. She loves to read, look things up on the internet, and talk about anything unrelated to math, history, science, grammar or language. I assigned a report (1 page, nothing too fancy) and she was able to find a book (by an excellent author, no less) within 25 minutes, locate a library and a bookstore that had it, and figure out how long it would take us to get there (consequently calculating whether we would make it before it closed). But she is completely paralyzed at the thought of writing 5 paragraphs about Joan of Arc. I think you’re best off making sure they know how to locate the information they need: basically make sure they know how to learn. Can they make an appointment (time management)? Cancel a subscription (inter-personal skills)? Dispute a credit charge (2 for 1 – math & behaving graciously under pressure)? How about file a witness report with the police (observation & conveying clear, concise facts in writing)? These are everyday uses of common academic skills, but few people teach them. My best math advice is to let them see you use it. Figure up how much your car REALLY cost. Decide whether it’s better to finance a big-screen TV through the store at 0% interest (with the fine print, of course!) or on your credit card. Find out what their dream job is, how much it pays, then see if they can afford the house they want on that amount of money. Adjust it for inflation from the last however many years. Have them balance an old ledger, or fill out a tax form. If you’ve had to do it during your adult life, they should know how to do it, too. Call it Applied Mathematics, or Consumer Math. If they can find out how much they need to earn to buy their dream house and figure out what job they need to get there, I’d say they’ve got a good handle on things.
[…] don’t know or heck, just teach your kids, without you, the middle man/woman. Interesting read: Why you SHOULDN’T Teach your Homeschoolers. (Although I agree with some of the points she is making, I love to teach my big kids still— […]
I had that same question. Lee, were your sons just naturally interested in higher math in order to teach themselves? I don’t know if my sons would take that on themselves with my insistence. I have been working on division and mulitiplication skills with my 9 year old because he kept telling me he couldn’t remmber how to do it. I told him well until you show me you can do it we will have to practice. This went on for weeks. Suddenly yesterday he told me he wanted to do something as his Birthday was coming up. I said that we would be taking a nice long break for Christmas but I wanted to finish our practice on his math. He did it in just a few minutes in his head. Large division problems he was doing in his head!. I asked how long have you been able to do this and he said always. Go figure. I am still stunned. LOL but what a waste of those weeks. I can’t figure out why he didn’t tell me sooner.
Karen,
I have one child of each kind. I have one child that loves math and one child that tolerates math. I bought them a self-teaching curriculum, and I scheduled what they were to do each day. It was required that they did their math assignments, but they taught themselves using the curriculum that I chose.
It can help to make math “fun”. We used Family Math when the kids were young. Here is a blog post about that:
http://www.thehomescholar.com/blog/how-to-use-family-math/290/
This blog post about “not teaching” isn’t specifically about math, it’s more about general “self-teaching.” For more information about the importance and value of math specifically:
http://www.thehomescholar.com/blog/why-is-math-important/22/
Blessings,
Lee
YES! I agree 100%. I am a mom of 4 kids and 2 are sophomore and junior. They are 100% self study and we love it. I am a Charlotte Mason support group leader and this is the way to go. The goal of Charlotte Mason’s way it for the child to own what they learn and become self learners. It is wonderful.
I am happy to say that this is my experience as well. Motivated kids with parents who can help find them the materials to study are way ahead of unmotivated kids being told what to do each day. Even kids who are not motivated to do anything are likely to find their motivation when the motivated life is modeled for them, instead of being enforced. The consequence of not doing anything is not that you will be a failure for life. It’s that you will be bored and unhappy. Sometimes they have to learn that themselves!
Thanks Lee for this. I am ordering our kids curriculum this year that is self teaching so that they can begin to learn how to teach themselves.
This was an awesome post.
Lee,
I like this advice. Ithink my son learna better when I’m not in the same room with him. I will let him pick out the curriculum he wants to learn from.
I have a freshman in high school and I am trying to get him ready for learning on his own for college. This was exactly what I needed to hear. Sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough and become frustrated but then you realize that you don’t have to be supermom.
I agree to a point Lee ~ certainly we cannot force actual learning just like you can’t force feed children..we can offer good learning materials and opportunities but true learning has to be done by the student. However, I do think it is difficult if your child does NOT have any interest in any academic subjects, like yours did. What if you have a child who has no interest in math or learning a second language or writing (except on the computer)or economics or history or psychology or geography. What if their ONLY passion is music or bike riding or car mechanics and they will spend hours each day doing that or they only are interested in reading science fiction or whatever? It is a lot of work to try to expand these interests into “sujbjects” and sometimes when I have tried to relate these to academic subjects there is tremendous resistance and still no interest. Or even worse…what if you have a very passive child with no evidence of initiative or passion in ANY subjects or areas? I think there are so many special exceptions to this idea…maybe?
Great comment Carol! It is important to cover the core subjects while pursuing delight directed learning. Here is a blog post that may help:
http://www.thehomescholar.com/blog/help-my-child-isnt-interested-in-anything/1709/
Thanks for your interesting comments!
Blessings,
Lee
I myself am a show-me learner and I did
very well in college. Although I admire
people who possess the skill to self-teach in every subject matter, I do not. (There will be tutors and learning centers at college for those who need them.) Witholding instruction from students who truly need help can stop progress. Thankfully, my son teaches me computer skills. I am thrilled that my homeschooled teenagers love to learn!
If you let someone else “teach” them, is that the same? For instance, we’re using Teaching Textbooks for my oldest. I helped alot with Algebra, but I haven’t been doing much “assisting” with Geometry this year. He gets it all from the text and computer “lectures” & explanations.
Hi Pam,
Yes, that’s what I’m talking about is finding resources OTHER than mom (or teacher) to get the information. Using a video tutor is exactly the kind of thing that can help.
Blessings,
Lee
Hi, my name is Sharon, and this is such a relief. Knowing that it is possible for your children to teach themselves and be successful in life. And it makes sense that they will be more interested in learning a subject they are interested in. I espeacially liked the comment made about learning everyday skills. As far as I know the public school systems do not teach these skills, but they are very much needed skills for children to know. I’am very Thankful for this forum.
Does anyone have any suggestions for self-motivating curriculums? I am looking to change our curriculum next year. My children do not enjoy school and I want homeschooling to be a great memory. I am kicking around the idea of unit studies for next year. My children will be in 8,7,4/3, 1 and a preschooler next year.
Thanks for any suggestions.
Thanks, Lee. This is how my 2 dc have been “homeschooled” since they came home from public school – 4 years ago. They are both working at a 10th grade level, with the younger child “teaching” the older more often than not. I’ve been a little worried if they were REAKKY doing as well as I have felt they were doing (both getting A’s & B’s on tests). *sighs with relief*
I absolutely agree with you! We labor in vain if we do not allow God to help us build our house. If I don’t seek Him out first thing in the morning, my whole day runs off course.
I like the idea that it is up to my children to learn rather than my ability to teach. When I ask the Holy Spirit to guide our day, it is as if we are following a well planned script. It works best when I follow His lead.
Hi! Great post! This has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I was a completely self-taught homeschooler, and that was very good for me. The things I taught myself I really excelled in. But there was the issue of being given complete control over my studies; I got to both study, and “not” study, any subject of my choosing – nothing was required! I think a little guidance and a few requirements would have been beneficial! However, I did LOVE to study, and I did do very well in college despite the gaps in my education where I lacked interest etc.
🙂 Thanks for the important reminder!
Any suggestions for specific self teaching curriculum?
Dear Corine,
Curriculum developed for homeschoolers will be a good self-teaching curriculum. Curriculum developed for schools assumes that the teacher understands the concepts contained in the book; Latin, or calculus or whatever. Homeschool curriculum assumes that the parent knows nothing about the subject. Whatever is needed for teaching the concepts will be provided – usually with some sort of support by phone or email. The best way to find self-teaching curriculum is to use curriculum developed specifically for homeschoolers.
I hope that helps!
Blessings,
Lee
You know, I just reread your article and many of the comments. I agree with most of them, but I did have another thought to add: your children self-taught, primarily the subjects they were interested in and then you tested them. What if you have a child who does not test well? They read the material, they think they understand it, they willingly do the work….and consistently score about 60% on the test…or worse! Then you got a problem with the self teaching, don’t you?
Thanks so much for your wisdom and tips. I am also grateful for your bold testimony of how keeping Christ FIRST and spending time with Him really makes all the difference.
Thanks for sharing for all of us who are still on the journey behind you…following your footprints along the way! : )
Thanks again for telling me just what I needed to know today! I have been feeling like, I don’t really “teach” my kids anymore. I miss it sometimes but they are in high school homeschool and doing fine! I have just these past few days been thinking, is this ok, is this what I should be doing??? I just ck on them periodically and make sure that I ask them questions about the work that they are doing or subjects that they had to read about.Thanks for your note about quiet time, I find that as well! Seek ye first the kingdom of God.. Thanks for all you do!
Kate
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Just the reminder I needed. Thanks for the encouragement from someone who has been “through it”!
I am so glad that you repost your blog comments. It was a great reminder. I appreciate your insight.
It is a blessing that many of you have high schoolers who love to learn and are excellent at self study. What is not discussed much are kids like mine who have ADHD and are challenged with sustained reading, concentration etc. It can be disheartening to parents like me who are homeschooling and feeling like they are failing miserably because their teen has difficulty being self direct and does not like to read or study (or anything that requires any mental effort). I have had to resort to tutors to help him. Even with tutors, he fights the process. Is there anyone out there who has a teen like this? It sometimes truly feels like I am alone.
Wow, what a blessing this post was! I constantly beat myself up if I don’t get to sit down with each of our 4 children and do math etc. This year is going to be different! We even purchased Teaching Textbooks for math for my oldest two. My third child, a son, I do believe has mild ADD, and it is difficult to get him to sit and do his work alone. This fall we add our last child into K and my time will be even more stretched, but this post will really help with my older two children 🙂
I absolutely love this! I definitely needed this as I am looking into another school year. I will remember this and put this to practice as I teach this year. With many children at home, I have never had the “teaching time” thing going really strong, but it has been enough to keep them on the right track. What a relief to know that it is alright for them to just learn and grow, and I can just get out of the way! I set up the framework and they get to build the grand structure of their learning. 🙂
Dear Lee,
Thank you! I have been doubting our home schooling approach until I saw this article.
Thank you for this article. It is very encouraging to know that others nudge their kids into self-teaching. Joanne Calderwood wrote an excellent book that explains how to do this: “The Self-Propelled Advantage.” I’ve applied her principles to our homeschool with a lot of success.