My Biggest Regret with My Teen Student

Will you one day wish you could rewind your life? Are there ramifications to what you are doing or allowing that you will one day regret? Will there be one big thing in your family life that you wish you could take back? 

Parents,
If I could do things all over again in raising my boys, there would never have been a video game system or internet capable device like a computer, Gameboy, DS, cell phone, etc. within their reach up to adult age. I have fought with my oldest son for many years over his video game and internet addiction to the point that at age 19, I threw him out. He’d spend all his waking time doing nothing but getting on the computer or other devices.

Now I’m going through the same mess with his 15-year-old brother. I am tired of fighting with my children over this. It’s a battle to get them to do schoolwork, chores, physical activity, carry their load, and even personal hygiene takes a back seat. They won’t spend time with the family. It’s completely destroyed their will to do anything else. They spend all of their waking time on the internet and it is a constant fight. It’s destroyed my relationship with one son and is doing the same with a second one. 

I tried so many parental controls, internet filters for times of days and number of hours, website blocking to allow only schoolwork websites, special routers, etc. My oldest became so good at computer networking that HE LEARNED TO BYPASS ALL OF IT. He accessed locked Windows profiles, hacked password protected systems, and even altered MAC addresses. It got to the point that I couldn’t even control his access unless I took away his computers. Then he snuck in cheap laptops or other devices that he was able to obtain, which he was able to gain internet access on. 

Parents I implore you to consider the ramifications. Granted, not all children grow up with this issue. Maybe some are more prone to it than others. But one thing is for sure. It’s driving a wedge right into our family.

I’m not asking for advice on how to handle this. I’ve had all the advice I can handle over the years. I just wish I could turn back time. I’m just trying to warn parents of the possible ramifications. ~ A concerned father

Parenting is hard. The hardest part is coming to terms with their ability to make their own choices, even when you have parented them to the best of your ability. When kids get older, you can no longer truly control their behavior. It is no longer your responsibility for their behavior – it’s their choices, and their responsibility, and the consequences of their choices. Bad things can happen to even good parents. 

For parents if faith, let me remind you that Adam and Eve had the perfect parent in God the Father, and they sinned. Adam and Eve were parents closer to the Lord than anyone… and their child became the first murderer. We are called to be parents of faith, and we are given instruction on how to go through this life, and yet our children may choose to sin. 

I urge you to do everything you can while your children are little to control their access to digital media so they don’t become addicted. You can find help setting technology boundaries in Lee Binz’s book, Technologic: How to Set Logical Technology Boundaries and Stop the Zombie Apocalypse. If you think her book on technology will help, it’s one resource, but the bottom line is DO SOMETHING NOW while you can still influence their behaviors.